the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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