Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
