i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
