so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
tell me about the eggs
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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