Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Enjoy the penises
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
