I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
