he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
