if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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