i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
