my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
