Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
