she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
