sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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