dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
