HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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