He is such a slut. More and more my type.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
