And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
