If i come over, it means nothing
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
