She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
