She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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