Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
