Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
