i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
