Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
