I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
