I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
