He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
