My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
