No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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