you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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