Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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