Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
