You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
