I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
