Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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