Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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