Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
