If that was your dad, he is hot
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
