Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
