I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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