I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
