Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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