She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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