i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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