Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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