If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
