he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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