Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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