I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
