I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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