Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
